Sunday, February 19, 2012

Screeeech: Detour

Just when I was feeling good about being back in the groove, writing with a passion, purpose and enjoyment I hadn't experienced for some time, personal issues arose that blew me off course.  I was ready to dream my new dream, and live the rest of my life facing forward.  I thought that new adventures lay just around the corner. Unfortunately,  what was actually lurking around that corner was some unresolved aftermath from my divorce.

Feelings of betrayal, fear, anxiety and sadness have engulfed me to the point that I have been bordering on paralysis, not just in writing but in all my life.

Interestingly, it turns out that the resolution to the final issue in our property settlement will entail working together with my ex-husband toward a result that will benefit both of us. In talking to him about our options, I have discovered that, despite all the layers of hurt and bitterness that have accumulated in recent years, neither of us wants to do anything to the detriment of the other. I can't say that we still have feelings for one another. I think it's more that both of us honor the memory of the love that we used to have. The irony may be that we will not only soon (hopefully) resolve the last remaining financial issue that keeps both of us from moving forward, but we (or I, at least) may be able to put down the last of the emotional baggage I've been toting around since the divorce.

Maybe this episode wasn't so much an interruption in  my process of moving forward as it was the threshold to my new life. (I trip over thresholds all the time.)

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