How's this for an opening:
"Nervous? Hell, yes, I'm nervous! The last time I went out on a first date, Jimmy Carter was president."
"Geez, Mom, you make out like it's such a big deal. It's just a date."
"It is a big deal for me. In the Seventies, a first date involved going to a bar, knocking back three or four Harvey Wallbangers and dancing for a few hours, after which we'd share a joint on the way back to my apartment where we'd have sex. Today's world is entirely different from that world and I'm an altogether different person. I am sure as hell not going to do it that way again, but I don't know the new rules."